This is it. My first blog of many relating to the world of fashion and my foray into this new and exciting realm. You can get rich by designing stuff and literally anything goes. Creativity and art knows no bounds. I am now a fashion designer. I guess you could say my PASSION is FASHION.
I have a plan. I’m gonna rent out a shitty warehouse, borrow a VERY loud Bluetooth speaker from a buddy of mine, play some shitty music VERY loudly, and find the most emaciated, miserable looking individuals to wear the shitty clothes I design. Am I missing anything?
The best part of all this is that no one will actually ever wear these clothes again, because they’re stupid and illogical. Who cares if the clothes suck? We can just throw them away or donate them for scraps when it’s all over with until my next pop-up show or collaboration. Fashion!
Here’s a runway show for the brand JW Anderson from last week. This is a brand spearheaded by famous fashion designer Jonathan Anderson and it popped up on my feed today:
JW Anderson Men’s FW24 & Women’s Pre-Fall 23 collections https://t.co/5aeKU8BI1D pic.twitter.com/qujHrTmLrc
— highsnobiety (@highsnobiety) June 20, 2023
Fashion is easy and I can do it. I’ve decided to follow in Anderson’s footsteps. Make whatever you want, say that it’s inspired by something, and you’re good. Just regular shirts and pants most of the time, but add a flap or two, maybe throw in a kilt for good measure. Use the same shitty pair of clogs on every model but spray-paint them different colors and do them TALLER than normal clogs. Recycle industrial mops but make them shirts. Throw on some ill-fitting pleated dress pants paired with your cat-lover great aunt’s scratchiest blanket. Maybe make a sweatsuit combo with a hoodie but with the nipples cut out? I dunno, we’ll have to see where my inspiration takes me. To some outsiders, fashion might seem stupid and shallow, but you have to have vision and this is my life now.
Hypebeast raved about this show and it’s easy to see why. “Complexity hides within the simplicity for the designer’s latest Milan Fashion Week runway show.” Heaping praise for JW Anderson! Such a deep headline from my new best friends over at HB. From where I’m sitting, you can just do whatever you want as a fashion designer, simple or intricate, and people will praise you for it/pay exorbitant amounts for your name. Reminder that Kanye West did a lot of fashion designing and made lots of money for peddling ripped t-shirts and tattered sweatpants. This is why I’m becoming a famous fashion designer like Jonathan Anderson. If he can handle Rihanna’s jumpsuit for the Super Bowl, surely I can design Slipknot’s singlets for their next tour! I’m confident that I can do this.
Here’s more from fashion designer Jonathan Anderson/JW Anderson, who made this:
PIGEON, but a clutch. Pigeon clutch. If you want this, it’s your’s for the low, low price of $890.
Here we have a hat but much smaller, and it’s also a cross-body bag. It doesn’t make any sense and you can’t fit anything inside of it, but it’s JW Anderson so you know it’s worth the $550 you’re paying to wear it.
Leather penis keyring, small and inconspicuous, perfect for clipping to your belt loop and not putting keys on it. Sometimes with fashion you have to get a little bit wild and naughty. Super reasonably priced ($270).
As a bonus, we have a pair of Vans with tube socks/JNCO’s next to the single filthiest pair of Air Force 1’s imaginable that also made this list:
It’s been nice knowing you guys and following sports, but this is my new thing now. I am shifting my attention to fashion. I love it because folks that truly say they love fashion are going to be easily talked into anything, like buying a 3-D printed pigeon for almost $900. Or a leather dick to clip to their jeans.
Good luck getting an invite to one of my exclusive shows.
